the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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