She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I will pee on everything he values.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
