I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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