I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
