i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
