He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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