can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Damn victory sex feels great
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
