yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
