soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
