i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
