she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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