you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
