Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
