and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
