are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
