so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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