i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
