Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
