new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
