So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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