I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
