I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
