Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
