didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
