so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
