If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
