if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
