What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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