You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
pop tarts are not kleenex
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
