the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
