She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How's work?
Spinning.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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