Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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