Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
