Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
