Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
