everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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