IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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