Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
