I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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