i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She's the barista slut.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
