Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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