check it out our google latitudes are spooning
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
