i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
