I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
