And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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