At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
