The maid of honor just puked.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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