Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
