No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
