I want to have your abortion
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
