maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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