i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
