taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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