Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
