Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
