well you can't waste a boner
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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